Vertically Challenged Rockstars!

I like these lists of rockstars with a common trait, and I’ve just found a list of rockstars that are under 5′ 8”. There are a few more that I know of so I’ll add my own to it as well.

So here’s a list of rockstars that have all been “vertically challenged” (short), some may surprise you!

Prince (5′ 2”) To those familiar with Prince, it will come as no surprise that he is one of the smallest rockstars in the world: Prince

Bono (5′ 7 1/2”) It’s pretty much common knowledge that Bono is the pint-size hero of rock n roll, although he only just falls short of 5′ 8” (which isn’t really THAT short anyway.) As the only person ever to be nominated for an Academy Award, a Golden Globe, A Grammy and The Nobel Peace Prize, he may be undersized but by no means an underachiever: Bono gets Beef!

Thom Yorke (5′ 5”) The lead singer of radiohead is perhaps not as noted for being short as he has a rather more immediately noticeable physical trait, as I’m sure every radiohead fan is aware, his left eyelid droops as a result of it being closed shut at birth and the 5 subsequent operations he underwent (before he was even 6 years old!) to have it opened. Thom Yorke: “The Clock”

Angus Young (5′ 2”) The guitarist from AC/DC – now 54 years old – has always seemed to embrace his small stature by dressing like a school boy on stage. I suppose it’s a good way to make people ignore you’re child like height: dressing like a child! AC/DC Live Album

Ronnie James Dio (5′ 4”) “Dio has rocked….for a long long time.” Standing at 5′ 4” and hunched over like he is most of the time, he looks rather strikingly like a goblin in my opinion, but then, that kind of fits in with his ultra satanic power rock style of music so rock on little elf man! Ronnie James Dio recently threatened to take the band dios to court for the name similarity!

Bob Marley (5′ 7”) The Rastafarian spreader of peace was surprisingly only 5ft 7inches, although this isn’t exactly tiny, it’s still a lot smaller than you would imagine him to stand given the size of his aura and the power of his message. No Woman No Cry

Bruce Dickinson (5′ 6”) The awesome front man of Iron Maiden’s short stature is barely noticeable when he’s on stage. With the amount of theatrics and pure genuis showmanship that go into Maiden’s concerts, the lack of a few inches is no match for the power of Dickinson’s voice and stage presence. Here is an awesome collection of Iron Maiden photos

Jon Bon Jovi (5′ 5”) In my humble opinion, next to Bruce Dickinson in one of the best singing voices of all time. Again, the legendary front man’s showmanship skills overshadow his height (or lack of as the case may be!) Here’s a fairly rare Bon Jovi song that you may not have heard before.

Eddie Van Halen (5′ 4”) I think I speak for everyone when I say that whenever you watch this guy perform, eye’s rarely stray from his fingers on the fretboard, height makes no difference when you can make a guitar sound like he can. Eddie Van Halen is apparently recovering from his recent hand surgery.

So there’s the list, with a few extras added on to the end, hope you found it interesting.

Punk Rock Sucks Ass

So back to music. But rather than talk about why good music is good, I thought I’d have a crack at talking about why bad music is bad. The genre that immediately sprung to mind was punk rock.

Needless to say, I’m not a fan. I quite like some pop punk, like blink 182 and early sum41, a bit of Greenday, Jimmy eat world etc. basically the really commercial, well known stuff. But I think these bands are well known for a reason, because they’re the best in their genre, and even they aren’t anything spectacular.

But moving on from pop punk, to real punk rock. Basically, the old school bands like the sex pistols, and the newer bands, NOFX, No Use for a Name (worst band name ever by the way) etc. seem to have basically the same song writing techniques. String together a generic four chord sequence, whack some distortion on it, play really fast, and sing over it (more often than not out of tune) about how much the government sucks and the big bad corporations are taking over the world.

I just can’t help but think, jesus christ this music has been inflicted upon society for what, 30 years? Have they not run out of crap to moan about yet? And if they must voice their irrelevant opinions on current affairs through the medium of music, AT LEAST MAKE THE MUSIC GOOD! I mean really, I’m sure around 75% of punk rock songs are based around four chords, not necessarily the same chords, but all similar progressions, and have the same generic fast punk drum beat, with some pissed off, tone deaf idiot shouting/singing (I use the term singing very loosely) about how the world should change to how he wants it to be.

I mean, I get that this music is all about the attitude and the arrogance. I get that. But what i don’t understand is why anyone would want to go and see three/four/five musical simpletons slop their way through a set which requires the technical ability of a five year old and a couple of weeks of guitar lessons to play, essentially, up on their soapbox telling people how things should be.

AND, if they actually have a message worth hearing, a genuine political statement, then why put it across in such a way that will just make people switch off to it and say “what the hell is this crap?”. What’s wrong with the way Bob Dylan did it? He was one of the biggest political voices in music in his day because people could listen to him. Or if they want it to be a bit more energetic than acoustic folk music, why not just take a bit more care over the songs, maybe give them a touch more of a melodic feel, take care over the notes that the vocalist hits and actually make them sound like something people will want to listen to. Because to me, it sounds like these bands just throw a song together in 5 minutes and then say “yeah that’ll do, let’s just release that”.

In conclusion, I think punk rock sucks balls. With exceptions of course, no generalisation comes without exceptions, for example, the singer from bad religion is pretty damn good, and there are a few cool guitary bits in some NOFX songs, but mainly, it’s just relentless crap that refuses to stop sharing it’s unwanted opinions.

Though having said all that, I have kind of just generalised the whole genre based on the bands I’ve heard. If anyone can recommend any really good punk rock bands who they think can sway my opinion, I would like to go and check them out.

All the best people x